Note #12 - Sleeping Well, the New Midlife Orgasm
Dear Perimenopausal Self,
If you remember correctly, you’ve had some decent sex from time to time up until this shithole kicked off. And one of the most miserable aspects about this hell-ridden hormone transition are the serious bouts of insomnia over the last six fucking years!!!
So let’s be honest, since you’re not feeling like your most attractive self these days (Team Invisibility here!) great, rejuvenating, mind-blowing sleep sounds much more enticing than the horrors of a naked pounding!
Yet oddly, both of these activities have similar factors that need to occur to reach a climax! 🤪
The foreplay of a tart cherry mocktail that gets the calming juices going. Then it’s time to lower the lights, turn off the tv, and get into the mood with Ambient Relaxation or Deep Sleep on Spotify. Oh yeah…linger on that for a bit.
And when you’re weak in the knees and it’s almost time to go horizontal, pop some magnesium glycinate in there. But wait…for extra safety against unwanted, invasive thoughts becoming an energized companion, use protection with Better Sleep’s brain waves and sleep hypnosis.
As the relaxation begins to crest, you can feel yourself getting there…drifting, drifting surrendering to the peak of the sensation that’s kinda indescribable as thinking is replaced with images of fictional stories that begin to take form.
And then you’re out! Ahhhhh….coasting on that release from consciousness.
If it’s a good, proper 6+ hours and you don’t fully wake up until the soft daybreak light flickers through the blinds, then it’s like, YES! YES! YES! The pleasurable, ORGASMIC feeling of being clear-headed and revitalized!!!!!
And sometimes an extra prayer erupts to the Sleep Gods of, OOOHHHH YEAH!!!! LIKE THAT!!!! MORE PLEASE!!! GIVE IT TO ME BABY!!!! I’LL BE YOUR BITCH IF YOU KEEP DOING ME LIKE THAT!!!
Yep…this is the ONE and ONLY lover that you need right now!
XOXO!
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